a danger to myself and others

by Strawberry Riot

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released June 21, 2015

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Strawberry Riot New Mexico

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Track Name: song about chemical imbalance
well it feels like the start of civil war
and all around you bombs are going off on every shore
from my head to my feet I can feel my heart beat
my bloodstream is a landfill, my bloodstream is a landfill
of chemicals and mismatched emotions
an oil spill of serotonin in a sweat-stained ocean
and all the pain inside it is not for other eyes, it's easier to hide

so sit down and break down in public and wait for the ambulance that never will arrive you're a nightmare my dear, you're a sight for sore eyes
and my eyes are sore as hell, and my lips are full of lies
but all these acronyms and diagnoses they are not a sign
to anyone else wondering about your state of mind
it's easier to say sometimes, "I feel fine"

well it starts out with panic attacks
then you're hyperventilating and laying on the tracks
and feeling like a freight train coming a close to a dead end
but we all gotta die someday whether it's now or then
my frontal lobe is a land mine, at least that's what the CAT scan proves
my family tree is covered in nooses and littered with bottles of booze
Track Name: song for a broken beer bottle
in the dark of your room you brought me, a slave to be bought or sold
and the TV static in the background, so empty and so cold
and I said I wasn't ready, I tried to protest
but that didn't matter, and you know the rest you said

I want to hurt you I want to make you cry
I want to ruin your life I want to see you die

and all of your friends and family they covered up for you and they told me if I were more submissive you wouldn't do the things you do
and I started to fear for my life and they started to fear for yours
and when I couldn't support your addiction anymore then I became a whore

so I ran so far away and I battled the church and state
and I almost didn't make it through the year
you tried to take your life just like you'd stolen mine
and I'm sure you're lying in a grave somewhere and someday I'll walk by

I'll say
I want to hurt you I want to make you cry
I want to ruin your life like you did mine
I want to stop seeing your face in every other man I meet
I want to go back to before before before your bedroom floor
Track Name: song about eating
I've been sleeping at the devil's doorstep for a while
and he gives me water for my thirst, he gives me pain, but I've had worse
and heaven help me, I've gone crazy, I must be dead, these bones are lazy
I've gone to bed, but in my head, the devil's words take hold instead

But the small town doctors, they don't suffer, they don't understand this disease, they did this to me, society they planted these anxieties
so I ask for my daily bread but it sits in my stomach like a gun to my head
and the devil and his doorstep call me in

and lately all I feel is self-loathing as I struggle for perfection
I wish I was queen of the damned so the mirror would not hold my reflection
I wish I was a ghost, lighter than air, and if I was invisible I wouldn't have to care
but the devil fill me with dreams
Track Name: song for the dead
sometimes the world is too big
and sometimes it seems too damn small to contain our ideas and stretch our horizons or maybe you don't care at all
and all these people can drown you out and make you obsolete
and if you could just slip away, unaware unafraid then life would be complete
now I know I can't stop you from tying that noose
it's your life not their life and you have to choose
but help's on the way if you want it it's yours
untie your rope and we'll pull you to shore

it's not glamorous or heroic
but it's also not a shame
do not be afraid to speak out
if for the justice or the blamed
but we are not the spirits of the dead we are the immortal flame of human consciousness
and sometimes the way we live our lives isn't a complex metaphor
it's just a way to pass the time
but like candles the brighter we burn the quicker we flicker and die
Track Name: song of regret (pity the living)
I've never been afraid of being bored
quite the opposite in fact my madness keeps me sane I'm always running
far away from death or maybe just into his arms and when we meet I'll be so proud and show him all the things that I have done

I've painted all these pictures and I've written all these songs
for no one but myself because I'm selfish and I'm wrong
I wrote a dozen novels that no one will ever read
I made arts and crafts and witchcraft I made cupcakes and cookies
I made worlds with other people I played god when I was ten
at my grandma's house with Lincoln logs and Legos in the den
I climbed mountains, I played make believe, I read Tolkien and Montgomery, and now I just can't get enough of anywhere and everything

I've never been afraid of going mad because they say there's some relation in destruction and creation
I've never been afraid of death
I'm afraid of not living