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Whatever Souls Are Made Of

by Strawberry Riot

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1.
This is so lame I haven't been the same Since I came back from the West Coast And my best friend had become a ghost His bloody footprints left a trail We took him to the hospital And I went to Mikaela's Just to sort out my denial So this is not a sad song It's a song for all the things I did not know there were no names for I made a new friend it was great Someone whom I could relate We talked about free pizza And the government and magic Then something happened it was strange I came back my feelings changed And maybe yours did too But they did not remain So this is not a love song It's a song for all the things I did not know there were no names for Call it 'down in the dumps' or feeling blue It's the same old thing that we all go through The ubiquitous moaning, the heartache and groaning Is not unique to me or you So this is not a positive song It's just a message in a bottle and I'm sending it along And it's not even a good song It's just words for the emotions I can't put my finger on
2.
Cards on the table I was told to choose There is no dice and you cannot lose But I've been told the future's in your hands That life happens when you're making other plans Lucky star show me the way to the crisscross in the road Where I will trade my life away to let my lover kill my soul I've been tracing circles for a year To ward off every ghost But my hands they muse me night and day And that one haunts the most Lucky star show me the way to the crisscross in the road Where I will trade my life away to let my lover kill my soul
3.
Untitled 02:27
I sold some pills last week to someone on the street And I used the money on a hotel and a couple of CD's And I know I'm a hypocrite because I say I'm straight edge But goddamn if my morals aren't corrupted I broke down and I nearly self destructed I'm trying to self medicate the problems I exaggerate So I think I'm just as bad as all you junkies and I think I'm just as fucked up as the rest and I think I might be dying but it's temporary being all alone is scary I could use a friend right now Someone offered to go down on me just for fun And I said I'd love to stay and chat but I think I've gotta run And I know I'm a hypocrite because I say I'm lonely For attention but it's all because I'm only One person and I am my own company Being by myself is what I call therapy So I think I'm just as bad as all you junkies and I think I'm just as fucked up as the rest and I think I might be dying but it's temporary being all alone is scary I could use a friend right now I'm trying to calm down and come down from this high But I might be running in circles I might be too sick to survive And I know I'm a hypocrite because my optimism Overwhelms me and defeats my self destruction I feel chubby but I'm going through starvation I hate doctors but I still take medication So I think I'm just as bad as all you junkies and I think I'm just as fucked up as the rest and I think I might be dying but it's temporary being all alone is scary I could use a friend right now
4.
So here's the deal I think I left a piece of my heart in the cab of a pickup truck And I was too drunk to remember lying but the next day left all my friends crying And I wish you would have told me it was all just temporary I really didn't want it to end But I fuck over all my family and I fuck all my friends So here's the deal I think I'd like to like a little bit more I'm not promiscuous and I don't play so don't try to score but I like people and I like love I'm always giving it out like mix-tapes hope you like em And now I now without a doubt I think I leave a little piece of my heart In every state and every place I go I think sometimes overcompensate for the things that I don't know I hope you take good care of me when when I choose to make your couch my home And when I leave this place again you'll know a piece of me is not alone So here's the deal I know I don't really have shit figured out but see I'm working on it every day and someday I'll find out how to not rely on everyone so heavily and I'll pay back the things I owe and help others in need I think I left a little piece of my heart in a hammock with a children's book character They were telling me to finish my whiskey and they were headed for California And kissing me softly under the second star on the right Huddled in the cold all damn night I think I leave a little piece of my heart In every state and every place I go I think sometimes overcompensate for the things that I don't know I hope you take good care of me when when I choose to make your couch my home And when I leave this place again you'll know a piece of me is not alone
5.
You were saving up money for a land of milk and honey To chase all the honeys And do like bunnies And it seems like there should be a better explanation To go on vacation But if that's your motivation And I said "I'll miss you" And you said "you can come too" But that's a lie and you know why It's something that I can't do You can't hop a train to Hawaii And I can't catch you on the fly You can't hop a train to Hawaii oh why oh why do I even try? And wouldn't it be nice if I were able to hitchhike Or gas-jug or ride my bike But to be more specific if dates are really more prolific Across the pacific Then I don't know maybe you're on to something, I mean do you have a radar detector for pheromones that you just follow around the country because if so I'd really like go borrow it, but I would need a plane ticket Because nobody had invented a way to hop American Airlines yet You can't hop a train to Hawaii And I can't catch you on the fly You can't hop a train to Hawaii oh why oh why do I even try? And someday you'll call me when you're alone on your coconut shell telephone And I will answer and ask why Is this aloha hello or aloha goodbye? You can't hop a train to Hawaii And I can't catch you on the fly You can't hop a train to Hawaii oh why oh why do I even try?
6.
Mayonnaise 01:57
Well the people at the coffee shop they tell me that I'm good enough They tell me that I have a way with words And my friends say just keep practicing Some day you will learn how to sing And I don't care if I I'm in key I just want to be heard If diffidence was an instrument then I could play an instrument I'd know every scale from the ups and downs the breakdowns For if I weren't so reticent You'd know my chords and choruses are just a substitution for healthy communication I know I'm not a virtuoso I don't have a special gift I'd hesitate to call what I do 'art' And my friends say it just takes a while someday you will find your style And I don't care what style it is but I don't want to be awful And as a species we've evolved To a point we can express The intricacies that go into self expression and contempt And maybe this is why I often find myself alone Don't know if I'm a poet or a monkey with a microphone And that's why I'm a musician
7.
Well I had a dream That I was dancing one day Down in the bayou On a warm summer's day Like vaudeville ragtime With top hat attire And when I woke in the morning My clothes were on fire But if you knew if you knew You would say wasn't I right all along If you knew what I'd done today You'd let me burn up in the flames you'd say that I'd done wrong I had a dream that I was alone And all my deeds had been etched into stone Well my premonition it came true Despite everything I gave to you And when I'd given in to my desire I woke up with my house on fire But if you knew if you knew You would say wasn't I right all along If you knew what I'd done today You'd let me burn up in the flames you'd say that I'd done wrong So I will take my secrets to the grave I'll lock them up so far away Swallow the key, break the lock 'Cause I don't think that you could take it If you knew if you knew it would break your heart in two
8.
Lord knows I didn't get these get these bruises from sitting on church pews I've been asking asking for them since the day that I met you And I've been so afraid to let my guard down and let you fuck me around But I begged for these these bruises just so I could heal And I'm filled with contempt for the the things I don't feel I'm blissfully bandaged I'm broken and bruised With the sneaking suspicion that I'm being used Lord knows I didn't get these bruised knees from praying And if you read between the fine lines of what I'm saying you'll see I cover up my scars with the new ones that I like Lord knows I didn't get these rings on my neck from choking on my words And if I'm slurring them now it's what I deserve for being so goddamn helpless I fall down too much It's better when I'm falling for you I fall down too much It's better when I'm falling for you I hurt myself too much It's better when I'm falling for you I hurt myself too much It's better when I'm hurting for you
9.
My dad says mistakes are lessons And that failures the way that we learn But experience has gotten me nowhere Just like the diploma I never earned I dropped out of every commitment That I ever made to myself So now when my relatives ask about me My mom says "she's still got her health" I could tell you that I don't resent you at all But we both know that isn't true But believe me I'm being sincere when I say That I don't still think about you And if I haven't changed since you knew me In high school then why should I care 'Cause if bygones are bygones then people can move on but you haven't gotten there Fool me once but it didn't turn out well I fought hard to get where I am But fool me again I'm a sucker for lust And it didn't work out like I planned So now I'm stuck in a job I hate Asking my friends to commiserate But they're sick of my whining And I'm sick of trying to please everyone So I'll get up and run I could tell you that I don't resent you at all But we both know that isn't true But believe me I'm being sincere when I say That I don't still think about you And if I haven't changed since you knew me In high school then why should I care 'Cause if bygones are bygones then people can move on but you haven't gotten there I've become an expert at packing My lifestyle somewhat nomadic And I routinely deny the assistance When someone else offers to carry my baggage My dad says mistakes are lessons But I always have been slow to learn So when you ask me "my dear, do you mind if I smoke?" I said, "I don't care if you burn"
10.
I don't want to think about what will happen When the river beds dry up and die And I don't want to think about what will be when the last tree falls and there are no bees I don't want to choke on the toxic smoke from Monsanto's monopolisation And they've been killing the soil and drilling for oil since the Anglo colonisation Til the last sheep's slaughtered They will not rest til our sons and our daughters Are all bound in chains in a world that's sustained by a self serving capitalist dream And I really want to believe we can pull it together that all you need is love but some days it seems there's just too much to hate and no matter how hard I try I just can't love enough I don't want to think about what will happen when our rights are signed away to the trade organisations And I don't want to think about what might be if none of are left to march on the streets And I don't want to be a part of the problem of racist and classist segregation I don't want to be a part of any of that So I'll bite back and fight back Til the last sheep's slaughtered They will not rest til our sons and our daughters Are all bound in chains in a world that's sustained by a self serving capitalist dream And I really want to believe we can pull it together that all you need is love but love didn't save us from manifest destiny and we can't seem to not fuck it up If a tree falls in the forest Does anyone hear it fall Well no ones gonna be there to hear it because we'll all be extinct
11.
On Halloween I ran across a black cat A stroke of bad luck in my path And I spent it watching the upper class lighten their pockets I haven't taken my pills but I've been doing lots of other drugs that I can't afford And I could blame it on post traumatic stress but it's probably because I'm bored But as I was coming down from the rocks you were kicking them Climbing down from the ladder you walked under it Another seven years I can handle this And sometimes I like to look up at the starts and let the white light drown out the rattle of the boxcars Knowing I'll never cross this point again in the stream of time In Texas we wandered and snuck into the orange show Lit a fire and got lost in the warm glow And on the Mississippi you said you'd really miss me And I have to say I agree I will miss me I wrote a note and it had four letters Told myself that I would forget her It didn't send, I didn't care In Atlanta I almost forgot what happened in Vegas So close to death I think I'm gonna make it But tomorrow is day of the dead, I feel halfway there And sometimes I like to look up at the starts and let the white light drown out the rattle of the boxcars Knowing I'll never cross this point again in the stream of time In Texas we wandered and snuck into the orange show Lit a fire and got lost in the warm glow And on the Mississippi you said you'd really miss me And I have to say I agree I will miss me We all live under the docks of New Orleans the docks of New Orleans the docks of New Orleans We all live off of coffee rice and beans coffee rice and beans coffee rice and beans
12.
I guess some people are just accident prone The day I met you you were nursing a hand covered in blood A pack of hungry dogs, a bottle of intimidation Tobacco smoke and an ill times proposition But you were my shelter in the storm And you threw it all away and left me torn You were my shelter in the storm But I know you only love me when you need an extra layer to keep you warm I guess some people are just accident prone How could anyone else break the same arm three times in a row And when you hurt your foot I found my Achilles heel If you're gonna play with demons you've got to seal the deal But you were my shelter in the storm And you threw it all away and left me torn You were my shelter in the storm But I know you only love me when you need an extra layer to keep you warm But I still choke on every other face that isn't yours Trying to occupy my time since I refuse to be ignored And using karma as my excuse I'll leave a trail of hearts and lies I'll love everyone but never cut ties Because this is not a love song This is a song about addiction This is not desire it's an unfilled prescription I wrote you letters that I bet you didn't read I made little haiku poems about the birds and the bees But you'll never know you'll never know you'll never know you'll never know you'll never know you'll never know What nights I spent alone with these dreams I guess some people are just accident prone I guess I'm one of them I guess I probably should have known Some of us have a knack for injuring ourselves a lot I'm pretty good at it And that makes two of us

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released December 13, 2015

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